Disclosure: I was compensated for this guest post. Some links in this post are not safe for work.
It’s time to spice up the blog with a guest post about dating brought to you by Amanda Peters, a single gal living and dating in the Chicago area.
Dating these days has taken a turn for the worse. Twenty something years ago, you only had to wonder if you missed their call (the one they made to your land line) and whether or not those stone wash jeans you wore on the date were a mistake. Now technology has exploded and become the herpes of the dating world.
Phone calls turned into late night texts. Dates shifted from dinner and the movie to, “you wanna hang out?” And then there’s online dating, but that just gives us the chance to meet the same “laid, back guy who’s sick of finishing last” over and over again. There’s social media, a wonderful tool that puts us at the forefront of everyone’s lives, including that girl you met in preschool and haven’t seen since. Her boob job looks good. Regardless, it starts to skew our perception of everyone else’s dating life (and are our own), while allowing our ex’s to permanently linger in our newsfeed and opening the door to easy accessible emotional cheating. Now you have the luxury of knowing you didn’t miss their call, they simply didn’t call, text, Facebook message or GChat you, and the picture they just posted shows that they are “relaxing with their baby at home” Wait what?
As dating becomes more and more of a cluster, I’m finding that many people are staying in relationships longer than they should. It may be because they don’t want to deal with the horrors that can be the OkCupid dating prospects, or because Facebook has made it seem easier to be together vs. single, or simply because they’ve already been going at it for so long, why not continue? Whatever the reason, if you feel like you’ve been vacillating on the relationship fence, it may be time to break up. Here are a few ways you’ll know.
1. You have no future
Like those fortune cookies without a fortune, if you have been dating for a year or two and can’t talk about where it’s going, don’t see it going anywhere or feel empty about it entirely, it’s time to break up. It doesn’t have to end in marriage, not everyone wants that, but you do want to know your partner is committed, loves you and wants to spend more than just the next month or so with you.
2. When fights become the norm
Some couples thrive off of a little bickering and spat (I don’t understand you) and truthfully a little fight here or there is healthy and good for you. However, it’s time to reevaluate when you find yourself picking fights over the smallest things (I can’t believe you ate all the butter again) or getting annoyed for no reason. This is a sign of something bigger that’s lingering under the relationship surface.
3.When the sex life dies
What’s considered a normal sex life varies from couple to couple. Some people aren’t happy if they aren’t getting it a few times a week, others are good on once a month. Whatever works for you is great, but you may have a problem if that number starts the dwindle substantially and then stays low if or becomes entirely non-existent. Sex slows down in relationships, but it shouldn’t disappear all together for no reason especially if you still find yourself reaching for an Adam & Eve toy to get the job done. It’s time to break up if sleeping with your partner starts to feel like work or repulsive.
4. When you start thinking about someone else
We all have someone “who got away” and it’s easy to let them creep back in once and awhile, but if your fleeting thoughts (of them or anyone else) become daily thoughts, your head may be in the wrong place. The grass is always greener, but it’s probably time to break up if you continually imagine them in place of your current partner and wonder what life may be like with them. It doesn’t mean you’ll end up with them, but you’re no longer giving your partner they respect they deserve.
5. You’re in it because it’s easy
It’s easy to fake love or believe you’re still in love when your relationship is comfortable. Why leave a good thing when you have someone to wake up to every morning and go to bed with at night? That companionship is far nicer than being alone, right? Wrong. At this point, your level of comfort has distorted your vision of happiness and caused you to settle. Get your shit together, realize you deserve someone you’re head over heels for and roll. This one is the hardest to swallow because technically, there is nothing wrong in your relationship, you just don’t feel the way you once did.
Have you been the victim of a dead-end relationship?